Posted on February 14, 2009 - by Administrator

What is Codependency?

Codependency is an unfortunate situation that a person can find themselves in within a relationship. Often partner 1 will have a weakness, of which makes them depend on partner 2. Partner 2 then goes on to make excuses for partner 1, helping them and otherwise subconsciously enabling that person to continue with their weakness. This is turn makes partner 2 dependant on partner 1 as well, because they feel better about being depended on, therefore encouraging it.

Often, codependency exists in an abusive relationship, although this does not have to mean physical abuse. It is more common among psychological abusive relationships. Partner 1 might have a drug addiction or financial troubles or a drinking problem that becomes their weakness. They depend on partner 2 to help them with money, or help them to buy drink / drugs. The codependent (partner 2) does this because they love and therefore feel sorry for their partner. They also fear that doing anything about it will change the relationship and they also crave the feeling of being needed. While the codependent will convince themselves that this is a win-win situation, it isn’t and will only result on them getting hurt and also becoming trapped.

It will often result in the loss of one’s own identity for the codependent. This does not mean Identity theft – just the fact that they will become a different person and become just as needy as the dependant partner. This need will be bred by fear and low self esteem. The only way they see fit to fix it is to feel needed by their partner and if that means helping them to do something that is not healthy or not right then they do it just to please them.

Codependency will always be accompanied with depression, sometimes clinical depression. The codependent will become so frustrated and upset over the situation and their feelings of helplessness that they will most always become depressed. They will only deal with the situation by blocking out feelings, trying to be a perfectionist, and being hyper-vigilant. They will however become distrusting and possibly ill because of the stress involved.

There is treatment available for codependency. There is a group called Codependents Anonymous, which is just like AA meetings. They provide help and step by step programs to help people regain their confidence, self esteem and hopefully free themselves from the situation they are in. Often, unless the dependent partner is willing to work at their weakness to improve the situation, the codependent must release themselves from the relationship. Due to the dependents weakness, they often take advantage of their partner and use psychological tactics to get what they want out of them. This therefore is not a relationship based on love. It is the best thing for them to get out and start their life again.

The condition can become an ongoing illness for some. Those with low to no self esteem can only find release in aiding their partner’s weakness, thus feeling needed and wanted. They stop believing that there is an answer and so succumb to the advantage taken of them, while outwardly denying it (and making excuses along the way). It is not a healthy relationship and can never be a good situation for anyone to find themselves in. If you suspect you or anyone you might know is suffering from codependency, encourage them to seek help and get out as quickly and painlessly as possible. It will be better for everyone, even the dependent, since they will have no choice than to change their ways also.