Posted on February 5, 2009 - by Administrator

Marital Depression: What causes it and how to avoid it

Marital depression is similar to post-natal depression. It occurs in the aftermath of a wedding and honeymoon when a couple realizes that perhaps they have no plans, no organization in their new life together, they feel scared of what may lie ahead and they fear the sacrifices that they have made by getting married.

Although these things sound terrible, it is purely psychological and can be overcome. Both men and women can suffer from marital depression, although it is more common in women since they are typically the ones who crave organization and need to know what’s going to happen. In the absence of this knowledge, they can somewhat psychologically panic, which makes them become depressed and upset.

After a fantasy wedding and the perfection of the day, as well as the pursuing honeymoon, people often then hit the road block – what happens now? Where will they live, what about their jobs, can they do the same things as before? Things always will change when a couple gets married, even if they have lived together for years, simply because they have made the ultimate commitment to each other, and they are ‘locked’ together by their vows and promises. This means sacrifice for each other. They will not always be able to do the things they did before, but instead they must replace them with other things. 

There is nothing to fear, except fear itself. A person fears the what ifs, and the maybes. They fear that their marriage will not succeed from that point on, and so become upset, depressed and sometimes it can affect work and social life. But they shouldn’t have any reason to fear. Unless a marriage was rushed into, they will have time to talk and plan from the point of the engagement to the point of the wedding. They must discuss and plan ahead what they are going to do, and do so in agreement, working as a team. A stable partnership is the key to a stable and successful relationship. This doesn’t mean there won’t ever be disagreements and arguments and even those dreaded ‘rough spots’ but that goes for every marriage and is completely normal. These situations just have to be worked through as a team.

A person must realize that their marriage is not going to run smoothly all the time. Things will change as time passes and it is not going to be a fairytale. This realization alone is often all it takes to avoid marital depression, since it prepares a person for the rougher times. Do not expect a marriage to fail – if you do, then don’t get married! Instead just expect bad times as well as the good ones – hopefully more good ones!

You must always be open with your partner as well, about everything. Talking and communication is the ultimate must-have for a relationship. You will never be able to agree and there will be more arguments if people do not talk things through and find a mutual ground. Sometimes your own sacrifices will be made for your partner, but sometimes theirs will be made for you. In the meantime, you will be agreeing and enjoying your new life together. A marriage just needs planning, communication and love. You will find that you both soon get into the swing of things!