Posted on November 19, 2007 - by Administrator

Make Love, Not War

Some people say that arguments are a normal part of relationships. My many years of experience as a psychotherapist and relationship coach lead me to disagree.

Differences of opinion are a normal part of relationships. And it will always be so, because we are human beings. Most of the time, it is possible to say OK, you have your point of view and I will have mine.’ And thats all there is to it.

However, when two people have a major decision to make, then that requires either agreement, compromise, or one person giving way entirely. It is at this point that a difference of opinion can turn into a full-blown argument. And when arguments become a way of life, the going can get really tough.

Constant arguing is extremely damaging to a relationship and to the individuals involved; the main reason being that most couples are unable to stick to the point in question. Past history is often dragged up; blame and accusations are hurled at each other; and each partner is determined to be right instead of attempting to understand the others point of view.

Making love, not war, is far more pleasant. So here are a few pointers to guide you towards a peaceful, balanced and loving relationship.

· Take responsibility for your own thoughts and actions. Dont criticise or blame. Be a calm, positive adult; stay focused and mediate.

· Remember that its impossible to make someone else change. Only they can do that. However, if you adjust your own behaviour, your partner will invariably react differently towards you.

· Always give your partner the benefit of the doubt. Listen attentively; consider what is being said to you; and put yourself in your partners shoes.

· Ask questions to make quite sure you are quite clear about your partners point of view

· Ask yourself �??Are you arguing simply because you want to be right and retain your pride?

· Use humour to get your point across. Humour dispels animosity and makes it easier to explain how you feel.

· Remember your goal.

o To resolve, not blame

o To create a win, win situation

o To be happy, not right

Annie Roy-Barker is a psychotherapist and leading relationship coach, with an extraordinary ability to help you resolve your personal and relationship difficulties. Annie will motivate, guide and inspire you with her incredible techniques for enhancing your relationship, spicing up your love life, or getting your loved one back after a break up. Annies mission is your happiness and helping you get your love life right on line.