Archive for the ‘Marriage’ Category
Posted on February 5, 2009 - by Administrator
Marital Depression: What causes it and how to avoid it
Marital depression is similar to post-natal depression. It occurs in the aftermath of a wedding and honeymoon when a couple realizes that perhaps they have no plans, no organization in their new life together, they feel scared of what may lie ahead and they fear the sacrifices that they have made by getting married.
Although these things sound terrible, it is purely psychological and can be overcome. Both men and women can suffer from marital depression, although it is more common in women since they are typically the ones who crave organization and need to know what’s going to happen. In the absence of this knowledge, they can somewhat psychologically panic, which makes them become depressed and upset.
After a fantasy wedding and the perfection of the day, as well as the pursuing honeymoon, people often then hit the road block – what happens now? Where will they live, what about their jobs, can they do the same things as before? Things always will change when a couple gets married, even if they have lived together for years, simply because they have made the ultimate commitment to each other, and they are ‘locked’ together by their vows and promises. This means sacrifice for each other. They will not always be able to do the things they did before, but instead they must replace them with other things.
There is nothing to fear, except fear itself. A person fears the what ifs, and the maybes. They fear that their marriage will not succeed from that point on, and so become upset, depressed and sometimes it can affect work and social life. But they shouldn’t have any reason to fear. Unless a marriage was rushed into, they will have time to talk and plan from the point of the engagement to the point of the wedding. They must discuss and plan ahead what they are going to do, and do so in agreement, working as a team. A stable partnership is the key to a stable and successful relationship. This doesn’t mean there won’t ever be disagreements and arguments and even those dreaded ‘rough spots’ but that goes for every marriage and is completely normal. These situations just have to be worked through as a team.
A person must realize that their marriage is not going to run smoothly all the time. Things will change as time passes and it is not going to be a fairytale. This realization alone is often all it takes to avoid marital depression, since it prepares a person for the rougher times. Do not expect a marriage to fail – if you do, then don’t get married! Instead just expect bad times as well as the good ones – hopefully more good ones!
You must always be open with your partner as well, about everything. Talking and communication is the ultimate must-have for a relationship. You will never be able to agree and there will be more arguments if people do not talk things through and find a mutual ground. Sometimes your own sacrifices will be made for your partner, but sometimes theirs will be made for you. In the meantime, you will be agreeing and enjoying your new life together. A marriage just needs planning, communication and love. You will find that you both soon get into the swing of things!
Posted on February 2, 2009 - by tommy
Avoiding the Urge to Stray
Work, stress, children, finances, boredom. These are all a part of daily life, and yet they really take their toll on couples. Occasionally, if there is one person working and one staying home to housekeep or care for children, there is likely a rift that will emerge between the two of them. Even if the two people work, they can bring home their own stresses and problems from their jobs, which ends up finding its way into personal lives. Some couples will find that they are becoming less and less intimate and argue more about little things. These little disputes can cause one or both people to be tempted away by offers that appear to take them away from their problems and add some excitement to their lives.
These offers are affairs. When someone good looking comes along, flirts, and seems to be everything they ever wanted, without one problem, it can be difficult to say no. However, they breed nothing but more problems, guilt, regret and disgust for yourself.
The secrecy that must be obtained during an affair can cause more stress to start with. After that, one feels guilty for betraying the one they love, disgust that they could do something like that and a whole mixture of emotions that can cause more problems at home than they initially had. They may find that they start snapping at their partner in a subconscious attempt to drive them away. If they become frequently angry at them, then they have a slight and feeble justification for what they have done. But this is never the truth.
Becoming angry at their spouse for something they have done is not the answer. Driving them away will only drive away someone who loves them and whom they love. When the affair ends, which they more often than not do, they will find themselves broken and alone. There is nothing good that can come from cheating.
So what if your home life is not as it used to be? You argue more, you never have sex, the stresses in life are getting you down and right in front of you is the opportunity to stray and experience some brief excitement, just begging you to accept..?
The key is to take the reigns in your relationship and change what you want changing. That is not to say try to change the person you are with, because people rarely change. But you can affect your situations, what you choose to do day in and day out, what you wear, where you go etc. As unfair as it may seem that it has to be you who changes things (maybe they are thinking the same thing) you can’t expect people to be able to read your mind and do it for you.
If you feel the need to spend more time with your partner, set aside at least one hour a night for each other, whereby you might make love, chat, watch a movie together, go out anything you feel you want. Turn the TV off and occupy the kids with a babysitter or a good movie if you wish. Distractions must be out of the way so you can focus on each other.
Reminisce. When you chat and laugh about the things you used to do, funny events that happened in your life together, it can draw you both closer to recall the good times, and inspire you to have more good times.
Spice up the sex life with different things. Each time you make love, you can vow to change position, location, activity, roll play – whatever you need to reignite the flame.
Make sure you always remember why you fell in love in the first place, and aim to get back to that point. Therefore, during the day, whether at work or at home, spend your time thinking about what surprise or scenario you can invent for that evening for your partner. This will help you to avoid thinking about Mr. or Ms Affair, and concentrate your thoughts on the real love of your life.
By using your imagination and acknowledging why you love this person, you can divert your thoughts and feelings from straying, and learn to love and appreciate your partner all over again, possibly with some added, fun extras!
Posted on November 19, 2007 - by Administrator
Tips for Planning the Perfect Wedding
Your wedding day. The greatest day of your life. Well it should be…and it will be with some careful planning. Here are some handy tips:
1) Delegate – On the day the bride and groom are the stars of the show. They should at no stage be involved in talking to the receptionist about Aunt Doris’s room or the fact that the lock is broken on the gents toilets. Make a list of who is in charge of what, most people will be honoured to help. Put someone is charge of lapel flowers, someone in charge of checking everyone in (if at a hotel), someone to show people the seating plan etc.
2) Rehearse – Run through the day as you see it going and look at the timings of things. Allow a little breathing space in between things like the meal and the photo’s. Things can crop up and the last thing you want is to be rushing. Guests don’t mind standing abour chatting and having a drink, its what people do at weddings.
3) Don’t fuss about others – The day is your day. Don’t worry too much if Brenda from the office hasn’t got a seat next to Malcolm, let them sort it out themselves. Don’t feel like you have to run the whole event, let the event manager sort things out, you have paid him enough to do it!
4) Suppliers – Make a list of the people you have booked and ring them seven days to ensure they have the correct time, the correct venue and they know what they are doing. Leave nothing to chance, it will also put you mind at ease on the day
5) Enjoy it! – It will be the fastest day of your life and hopefully you’ll only do it once. Make sure you are not wishing you had done this and that the day after. Do it all, make it special and just relax…there is a way around most things when everyone pulls together.
Posted on August 9, 2007 - by Administrator
How To Be A Good Wife
A good wife is one who turns a brick and mortar structure into a loving, caring home with a few deft touches here and there — a home that a husband wants to return to every evening. He knows his wife is waiting for him, and wants to reach home early instead of stopping at the local bar or at the old boys club to drink away the day’s blues.
The good wife too realizes what her husband needs. She brushes her hair, applies a light make up and gets ready with a smile to greet him at the door. She never makes the mistake of looking bedraggled when her husband arrives. That’s the best way to cool off a promising evening.
If it’s winter then the good wife has a merry fire going. Nothing can be more pleasant than to enter a house that is warm and ready to receive you – especially if you have driven down a long, snowy road that was cold, bleak and treacherous or on a highway that had bumper to bumper traffic.
Also, a good wife never rushes her husband. Instead, she lets him unwind, allows him to feel important; listens to his day’s woes. She does not nag or express unhappiness even if she thinks her husband is wrong. There is enough time to discuss the issue again. The first is to let your husband confide in you. It’s the best way to build a strong and durable relationship.
Equally important, a good wife never makes the mistake of unburdening herself first, even though she may have had a bad day – and needs a shoulder to cry upon or let off steam. The chances are that a tired husband may not be very receptive, and the purpose may be lost. She therefore bides her time. She also avoids pointing fingers at her husband, even though she may know that he is not doing his part of household work like getting taps fixed or arranging firewood.
She also never tries to show that she is better than him. There is nothing worse than male vanity. Every male thinks he is the cat’s whiskers. The best way to offend your husband is to hurt his ego. He will immediately withdraw into a shell, become uncooperative and behave in an unpredictable manner. The peace that reigns in the house will be shattered. There will be spoken or unspoken friction, and the relationship will start sliding.
Posted on July 31, 2007 - by Administrator
How To Be A Good Husband
The best way to be a good husband is to be your natural self. Don’t let misunderstandings, anger, frustration turn into emotional baggage and cloud your thinking. Misunderstandings are like cancer cells. They grow in a rogue manner, planting suspicion, diluting trust and destroying relationships.
The only way to kill misunderstanding is good communication. You will find that misunderstandings blow away when you are willing to listen to your wife’s point of view. It is possible that you are the wronged party. Even then, instead of carrying the hurt, you should give your wife a reason to talk. Maybe, she may see the issue in the right perspective. Even if she doesn’t, you will find that your own unhappiness has subsided considerably. You can once again behave in a natural manner.
Also, don’t sit in judgment over what your wife does or has done. Remember, that marriage is a partnership of equals. You can’t assume the right to decide what is right or wrong. A much better way to deal with tricky situations is to give your wife sufficient space to decide how she wants to live.
Equally important is the use of ‘I’ word in a marital relationship. It is like a double-edged sword. Most husbands wield it to show they are superior. But there are some that use it wisely, and make their wives think. For instance, if your wife has forgotten to wish you on your birthday, you don’t have to launch into an accusatory tirade that you don’t care for me. A better way to elicit a positive reaction is to say that “I felt hurt when you forgot about me.”
You must also assure your wife that you care. For this you don’t have to make pompous statements. Simple gestures like a light pat for something you liked, a touching caress or an admiration kiss speak more than a million words. You will find that your wife warms up to these thoughtful gestures, especially when they come from the heart and are not artificial.
You must also avoid hurting your wife. This happens especially when you are angry. Avoid personal attacks. They can smolder, and create more friction. It is always best to talk things through. Good communication is the best bond that can keep a marriage together. The day communication fails, or becomes one-sided, the marriage is in danger.
So, if you want to be loved and respected as a good husband, learn to share, care and communicate.
Posted on November 2, 2006 - by Administrator
The Do’s and Don’ts of Divorce
If worse comes to worse, and divorce is the only option, keep in mind these divorce tips to make it as easy as possible on your children.
DO:
DO allow children to openly express their own feelings.
DO listen to your children and validate their feelings.
DO be honest (in an age appropriate way).
DO let children know about family changes such as visitation, and moving.
DO reassure your children that the divorce was not their fault.
DO emphasize the finality of the divorce.
DO spend quality time with each child.
DO be consistent with rules expectations.
DO protect your child from parental conflict.
DO provide a safe and stable environment.
DON’T:
DON’T assess blame. Children shouldn’t be taking sides.
DON’T talk negatively about the other parent.
DON’T use children as message carriers to the other parent.
DON’T overburden your children with emotional or financial concerns.
DON’T make excuses for the behavior of the other parent. Allow your child to see the other parent realistically.
DON’T make your child your confidant – remain the adult and parent.
DON’T allow your children to put themselves in the middle of adult conflicts.
DON’T discourage your child’s desire to have a relationship with the other parent or step-parent.
If you follow these few divorce tips, your children will have a much easier time dealing with your divorce.
Check out these recommended ebooks if you want more information on divorce.
If you are on the verge of divorce, Relationshipguide.net recommends this ebook. It has tons of information on saving your marriage, and will be very helpful!
If you are in the process of getting a divorce, check out this step by step guide to planning and executing your divorce.
And last but not least, if you are in a messy divorce (it happens), this ebook is a must have. It will show you how to legally save money in your divorce.
Posted on September 29, 2006 - by Administrator
The Perfect Wedding, Is It Possible?
You have found the perfect man, and on your finger is the perfect ring. Next comes planning the perfect wedding! While planning your wedding can be overwhelming and stressful, you can definitely make things perfect for you and your husband to be. Through what seems like a never ending list of decisions and choices, a little communication and patience is all that is needed. Considering the following questions and breaking your wedding planning down should have you well on your way to planning a perfect wedding.
First, you will need to decide the type of reception you would like to have. Are you planning an intimate gathering of friends and family, or a bigger wedding? Chat with your relatives and soon to be in laws to get an idea of what their needs are, and ideas for the reception. You can visit reception hall possibilities and talk with them about what they offer, once you have a general idea of how many guests you will have. Be sure to plan where you will have the reception well in advance, as many popular reception halls will be reserved by other couples. Also remember that the reception halls you choose to visit have most likely hosted many weddings before yours, and they offer suggestions that you may have not thought about. It is okay to not have all the answers right away, and many reception sites will happily let you take their information so you can spend time considering what they have to provide. Of course, you will need to establish your wedding budget, as the reception will be the most expensive part.
The next item on your list is to decide what your guests will be eating and the wedding cake. It’s a good idea to try the food at each reception site, if possible the same food you might pick for your wedding. Your food selection will also be determined by what time of the day your reception is. If you choose an early reception, you might prefer to have a lunch buffet, while an evening reception calls for more a more formal presentation. You can also ask for references from the catering company that will be providing the food at your reception. These references will enable you to evaluate the service as well as the food.
Invitations, photography, flowers, and music are all decisions you will make based on the style you wish for your wedding. These are also areas where you can cut back on spending if you need to. Choosing a less fancy invitation or less formally arranged flowers can save you money in the long run. The perfect wedding does not always need to be the most expensive one! Use your creativity and your wedding will be as perfect as the man you have chosen to marry. And one more thing, HAVE FUN!
Posted on September 28, 2006 - by Administrator
Divorce and its Effects
When your marriage is on the rocks and everything is not going the way you want in your personal life, you naturally consider divorce or separation. But what will divorce mean for you? Outside the obvious recognition that you will no longer be married to your partner, divorce means many changes to your life, and there are a number of repercussions that you may not even think of while entangled in your own personal issues. It might be useful to see the changes divorce will bring to your life. Divorce will at first mean awkwardness or anxiety in social situations. You are used to being part of a duo, and you are now solo. This sometimes can be positive, because it allows you to meet new people and discover new adventures. Yet it can also become difficult when you are around friends who were once a part of your married life. Your friends will have to adjust to a new and changing you. Don’t be fearful of facing the awkwardness, as the worst thing you can do is avoid social situations at this changing time in your life. You will find staying positive and optimistic will help keep your friendships strong as you change. Your living situation will also change due to your divorce. Even under the friendliest of divorce agreements, you or your partner will no longer be combining incomes or living together. You will also be taking on responsibilities that your partner may have taken care of while you were married. For example, you may not have had to take out the garbage or mow the grass when you were married, but you will now be responsible for those things in addition to others. It is important to allow yourself time to adjust to whatever changes come your way. Recognizing your feelings of aggravation, anger, blame, or fear will help you to eventually overcome them and progress to more positive thoughts. Divorce will also bring about conclusiveness to a relationship that was once very important to you. There will be times of sorrow, fear, pleasure or a mix of many feelings that are difficult to name. Recognize these feelings as normal, and take some time to look back over the relationship and take a sincere assessment of both the good and the bad. Beating yourself up is useless, yet understanding what you will do in a different way in the future is priceless. Divorce ends a relationship, but it also ends a lifestyle. The rest of your life will depend on how you approach the changes divorce will bring. Stay strong and be positive. Trust yourself and take comfort in the opportunities that await you in the future.
Check out these recommended ebooks if you want more information on divorce.
If you are on the verge of divorce, Relationshipguide.net recommends this ebook. It has tons of information on saving your marriage, and will be very helpful!
If you are in the process of getting a divorce, check out this step by step guide to planning and executing your divorce.
And last but not least, if you are in a messy divorce (it happens), this ebook is a must have. It will show you how to legally save money in your divorce.
Posted on January 11, 2006 - by Administrator
Why Most Marriages Fail
Roughly 50% of all marriages fail and many of those dont even make it past the first year. Understanding why these marriages fail can be key to ensuring that your own marriage does not fail. Some factors that contribute to the failure of a marriage include a lack of communication or poor communication, financial issues and even the circumstances of the marriage. All of these issues can exist in a healthy and enduring marriage but if they are not dealt with properly they can lead to the failure of the marriage.
Communication is critical to the success of a marriage. Without proper communication, conflict resolution becomes a difficult issue. If the couple lacks the communication skills necessary to resolve their problems, then even the smallest problems will become insurmountable. Communication allows a relationship to grow and thrive by giving the partners an opportunity to share their dreams, concerns, hopes and desires with each other. Without sharing in this way a couple will not grow as close together as possible. Communication also gives the couple a healthy way to resolve their arguments. If one or both partners lack effective communications skills it becomes difficult to resolve arguments because the couple is not able to understand each others points of view. If the marriage is already in trouble, both partners in the marriage must be dedicated to working on their communication skills in order to improve or salvage their marriage. The absence of effective communication techniques can lead to the failure of a marriage.
Love may conquer all but sometimes even love isnt enough to save a marriage when there are significant financial concerns. While financial concerns in and of themselves may not be the cause of a failed marriage the tension that financial concerns create is often the culprit in a failed marriage. Financial concerns can be a heavy burden to bear and when a couple is struggling to meet their financial obligations, there can be a tremendous amount of pressure in the relationship. This pressure may be enough to destroy an otherwise healthy marriage. If one of the partners in the marriage becomes obsessed with the marital finances they can begin to neglect other aspects of the marriage. This neglectful behavior has the affect of making the spouse feel ignored and lonely which can be damaging to a marriage. Often one of the partners will become consumed with the financial affairs and this can be very damaging to a marriage.
Even the circumstances surrounding the marriage can lead to its failure. A marriage of convenience is often not a healthy marriage. When the decision to marry is based on something other than true love, it is likely that the marriage will fair. Some examples of marriage circumstances that often lead to failure are getting married because there is a baby on the way or because the couple is feeling pressure to get married by friends and family members. Neither of these reasons are truly valid reasons for marriage and often leads to divorce. When a couple marries for reasons other than true love the marriage is often doomed before it starts. Marrying too young is another reason why many marriages fail. While the right age to marry varies greatly depending on the person, many people argue that the teens and early twenties are too early to get married. Getting married before you have had a chance to enjoy many of lifes experiences can result in resentfulness in the marriage and can be the cause of failure of the marriage.
Another reason why many marriages fail is that society no longer places importance on the institution of marriage. Today it is common for couples to live together and have children without being married. This degeneration of society devalues marriage and results in a higher percentage of failed marriages. With so little value placed on marriage in todays society, couples are not committed to making their marriage work and are often quick to give up on the marriage and each other.
Many marriages today are doomed before they even start. Marriage is no longer seen as a necessary step in a relationship so many couples are quick to divorce without making an honest effort to resolve their problems. Communication breakdown, financial difficulties as well as circumstances of the marriage are all problems that can cause many marriages to fail.
For more information on how to save your marriage, visit savingyourmarriage.com.