Author Archive
Posted on February 14, 2009 - by Administrator
What is Codependency?
Codependency is an unfortunate situation that a person can find themselves in within a relationship. Often partner 1 will have a weakness, of which makes them depend on partner 2. Partner 2 then goes on to make excuses for partner 1, helping them and otherwise subconsciously enabling that person to continue with their weakness. This is turn makes partner 2 dependant on partner 1 as well, because they feel better about being depended on, therefore encouraging it.
Often, codependency exists in an abusive relationship, although this does not have to mean physical abuse. It is more common among psychological abusive relationships. Partner 1 might have a drug addiction or financial troubles or a drinking problem that becomes their weakness. They depend on partner 2 to help them with money, or help them to buy drink / drugs. The codependent (partner 2) does this because they love and therefore feel sorry for their partner. They also fear that doing anything about it will change the relationship and they also crave the feeling of being needed. While the codependent will convince themselves that this is a win-win situation, it isn’t and will only result on them getting hurt and also becoming trapped.
It will often result in the loss of one’s own identity for the codependent. This does not mean Identity theft – just the fact that they will become a different person and become just as needy as the dependant partner. This need will be bred by fear and low self esteem. The only way they see fit to fix it is to feel needed by their partner and if that means helping them to do something that is not healthy or not right then they do it just to please them.
Codependency will always be accompanied with depression, sometimes clinical depression. The codependent will become so frustrated and upset over the situation and their feelings of helplessness that they will most always become depressed. They will only deal with the situation by blocking out feelings, trying to be a perfectionist, and being hyper-vigilant. They will however become distrusting and possibly ill because of the stress involved.
There is treatment available for codependency. There is a group called Codependents Anonymous, which is just like AA meetings. They provide help and step by step programs to help people regain their confidence, self esteem and hopefully free themselves from the situation they are in. Often, unless the dependent partner is willing to work at their weakness to improve the situation, the codependent must release themselves from the relationship. Due to the dependents weakness, they often take advantage of their partner and use psychological tactics to get what they want out of them. This therefore is not a relationship based on love. It is the best thing for them to get out and start their life again.
The condition can become an ongoing illness for some. Those with low to no self esteem can only find release in aiding their partner’s weakness, thus feeling needed and wanted. They stop believing that there is an answer and so succumb to the advantage taken of them, while outwardly denying it (and making excuses along the way). It is not a healthy relationship and can never be a good situation for anyone to find themselves in. If you suspect you or anyone you might know is suffering from codependency, encourage them to seek help and get out as quickly and painlessly as possible. It will be better for everyone, even the dependent, since they will have no choice than to change their ways also.
Posted on February 10, 2009 - by Administrator
Protecting Yourself against Date Rape
It is a very scary notion to think that there are people out there who deliberately drug a girl in order to rape them. But it is unfortunately an ever increasing reality. It should be a concern for all women who are dating and enjoying causal encounters, and therefore they should have a plan of action so they can get out at the first hint of danger and also protect themselves while they are out.
Firstly, since the most common form of doping a date is to spike their drink, you should never, ever leave a drink unattended. Many of the date rape drugs, such as Ketamine and Rohypnol, come in powder form that are easily dissolved in a drink. Before you know it, they knock you out, without virtually feeling tired beforehand.
If you are meeting a stranger for the first time, be sure to tell or even better, take a friend along with you. This can be done by asking your friend (or two) to sit at a nearby table, just to keep an eye on things, and therefore if you should ever become uncomfortable or wish to leave you can go right to them and leave with them.
Be clear on what you expect and want from the date. Refuse to change your plans or ever go anywhere secluded. Stay in public at all times. This way nothing could happen – although they could still drug you at a bar, so be aware all the same. Have a plan as well. This means knowing what, where and when you will be going anywhere and be sure to tell someone. You can arrange to call a friend at certain times during the date to let them know you are ok. If you do not call, then they can alert others.
Don’t be afraid to ask someone for help if you ever feel scared or threatened. Ask a member of staff wherever you are, or a neighbor at a house if you have gone back to your or their place. This should not be done on a first date, and probably not until you really know and trust the person.
It is never a bad idea to take some kind of self defense classes. This enables you to feel more confident, while at the same time being able to protect yourself physically if someone were to try something.
If anything bad should happen, you should get help immediately. Go to an emergency room or any local authority. They will be able to help. Try to remember every detail of the person you were with and their vehicle, house etc that you might have seen. This will help them to track them down. Also try to avoid washing or changing. Any physical evidence will help.
It is not only women who are victims of date rape, but men as well. It is a crime that is sadly on the increase these days, but you should always do everything you can to try to avoid it. Sometimes, it still happens however. Always have emergency number handy of your friends, family and others who can help. It is inadvisable to meet anyone whom you have a bad feeling about or to meet anyone in a quiet or secluded spot. Stay in public at all times, where there will be more eyes on them.
Posted on February 5, 2009 - by Administrator
Marital Depression: What causes it and how to avoid it
Marital depression is similar to post-natal depression. It occurs in the aftermath of a wedding and honeymoon when a couple realizes that perhaps they have no plans, no organization in their new life together, they feel scared of what may lie ahead and they fear the sacrifices that they have made by getting married.
Although these things sound terrible, it is purely psychological and can be overcome. Both men and women can suffer from marital depression, although it is more common in women since they are typically the ones who crave organization and need to know what’s going to happen. In the absence of this knowledge, they can somewhat psychologically panic, which makes them become depressed and upset.
After a fantasy wedding and the perfection of the day, as well as the pursuing honeymoon, people often then hit the road block – what happens now? Where will they live, what about their jobs, can they do the same things as before? Things always will change when a couple gets married, even if they have lived together for years, simply because they have made the ultimate commitment to each other, and they are ‘locked’ together by their vows and promises. This means sacrifice for each other. They will not always be able to do the things they did before, but instead they must replace them with other things.
There is nothing to fear, except fear itself. A person fears the what ifs, and the maybes. They fear that their marriage will not succeed from that point on, and so become upset, depressed and sometimes it can affect work and social life. But they shouldn’t have any reason to fear. Unless a marriage was rushed into, they will have time to talk and plan from the point of the engagement to the point of the wedding. They must discuss and plan ahead what they are going to do, and do so in agreement, working as a team. A stable partnership is the key to a stable and successful relationship. This doesn’t mean there won’t ever be disagreements and arguments and even those dreaded ‘rough spots’ but that goes for every marriage and is completely normal. These situations just have to be worked through as a team.
A person must realize that their marriage is not going to run smoothly all the time. Things will change as time passes and it is not going to be a fairytale. This realization alone is often all it takes to avoid marital depression, since it prepares a person for the rougher times. Do not expect a marriage to fail – if you do, then don’t get married! Instead just expect bad times as well as the good ones – hopefully more good ones!
You must always be open with your partner as well, about everything. Talking and communication is the ultimate must-have for a relationship. You will never be able to agree and there will be more arguments if people do not talk things through and find a mutual ground. Sometimes your own sacrifices will be made for your partner, but sometimes theirs will be made for you. In the meantime, you will be agreeing and enjoying your new life together. A marriage just needs planning, communication and love. You will find that you both soon get into the swing of things!
Posted on January 25, 2009 - by Administrator
Dating a Best Friend’s Sibling
What hot water we can find ourselves in when we realize that we have developed feelings for a best friend’s sibling. There is some unwritten rule that you just don’t become involved with family members of your best friend, and when those feelings are reciprocated, it seems like there can be some tough choices to make. The question is if you’re good enough for your best friend then why on earth wouldn’t you be good enough for their sibling? In most cases the answer is that you are good enough. People worry about the break up discomfort and having to choose sides when the relationship doesn’t last. Why everyone assumes that the relationship won’t last is another question for a whole other article.
Posted on November 19, 2007 - by Administrator
Tips for Planning the Perfect Wedding
Your wedding day. The greatest day of your life. Well it should be…and it will be with some careful planning. Here are some handy tips:
1) Delegate – On the day the bride and groom are the stars of the show. They should at no stage be involved in talking to the receptionist about Aunt Doris’s room or the fact that the lock is broken on the gents toilets. Make a list of who is in charge of what, most people will be honoured to help. Put someone is charge of lapel flowers, someone in charge of checking everyone in (if at a hotel), someone to show people the seating plan etc.
2) Rehearse – Run through the day as you see it going and look at the timings of things. Allow a little breathing space in between things like the meal and the photo’s. Things can crop up and the last thing you want is to be rushing. Guests don’t mind standing abour chatting and having a drink, its what people do at weddings.
3) Don’t fuss about others – The day is your day. Don’t worry too much if Brenda from the office hasn’t got a seat next to Malcolm, let them sort it out themselves. Don’t feel like you have to run the whole event, let the event manager sort things out, you have paid him enough to do it!
4) Suppliers – Make a list of the people you have booked and ring them seven days to ensure they have the correct time, the correct venue and they know what they are doing. Leave nothing to chance, it will also put you mind at ease on the day
5) Enjoy it! – It will be the fastest day of your life and hopefully you’ll only do it once. Make sure you are not wishing you had done this and that the day after. Do it all, make it special and just relax…there is a way around most things when everyone pulls together.
Posted on November 19, 2007 - by Administrator
When Mr Right Becomes Mr Wrong
Does his character rate as high as his physical attraction?
At the beginning of a relationship, that time when you meet someone and the chemistry starts buzzing between you, both of you are putting your best foot forward. It�??s only natural that we all want to show ourselves in the best possible light and, in the early stages of a romance, this is very easy. After all, most people can put on an act! However, its not so easy as the relationship develops and you get to know each other better. In short, we can only act for so long before our true self begins to emerge.
When two people first meet, it is as comparative strangers, so you know little or nothing about each other. And, very importantly, there have been no disagreements or discord between you because there is no history between the two of you; no knowledge of each others past, likes and dislikes, irritating habits, etc. Therefore, there is usually only joy in your heart towards each other in the early stages of a romance and your prime thoughts are centred on the chemistry that is buzzing between you and the wonderful future that you envisage sharing together.
As time passes and you spend more time together, the relationship develops and usually deepens. This inevitably forces you both to reveal more about yourselves and – here comes the crunch – your personality and character.
Now, heres the rub. In order for a relationship to deepen as well as develop (subtle difference here) you have to love someone warts and all. To do this, you have to like a persons character, which is the real person behind their personality.
Let me explain.
Personality and character are definitely not one and the same thing. For example, its possible for a person with a shy, timid personality to have the character of a gangster. And the character of a lying, cheating, conman may be camouflaged by a bubbly, fun personality.
Now you might be happy falling in love with a gangster or a conman. Thats your choice. You might even choose to stay with someone that you love, even though you might not actually like their character. I dont know.
What I do know is this. That unless you share the same morals, and have similar beliefs and values, then there is little chance that your relationship will be a long and happy one.
To have a successful relationship, its absolutely vital that you see, hear and feel things in the same way and that you share mutual goals in life.
If you dont, then your Mr Right is definitely Mr. Wrong.
Annie Roy-Barker is a psychotherapist and leading relationship coach, with an extraordinary ability to help you resolve your personal and relationship difficulties. Annie will motivate, guide and inspire you with her incredible techniques for enhancing your relationship, spicing up your love life, or getting your loved one back after a break up. Annies mission is your happiness and helping you get your love life right on line.
Posted on November 19, 2007 - by Administrator
Make Love, Not War
Some people say that arguments are a normal part of relationships. My many years of experience as a psychotherapist and relationship coach lead me to disagree.
Differences of opinion are a normal part of relationships. And it will always be so, because we are human beings. Most of the time, it is possible to say OK, you have your point of view and I will have mine.’ And thats all there is to it.
However, when two people have a major decision to make, then that requires either agreement, compromise, or one person giving way entirely. It is at this point that a difference of opinion can turn into a full-blown argument. And when arguments become a way of life, the going can get really tough.
Constant arguing is extremely damaging to a relationship and to the individuals involved; the main reason being that most couples are unable to stick to the point in question. Past history is often dragged up; blame and accusations are hurled at each other; and each partner is determined to be right instead of attempting to understand the others point of view.
Making love, not war, is far more pleasant. So here are a few pointers to guide you towards a peaceful, balanced and loving relationship.
· Take responsibility for your own thoughts and actions. Dont criticise or blame. Be a calm, positive adult; stay focused and mediate.
· Remember that its impossible to make someone else change. Only they can do that. However, if you adjust your own behaviour, your partner will invariably react differently towards you.
· Always give your partner the benefit of the doubt. Listen attentively; consider what is being said to you; and put yourself in your partners shoes.
· Ask questions to make quite sure you are quite clear about your partners point of view
· Ask yourself �??Are you arguing simply because you want to be right and retain your pride?
· Use humour to get your point across. Humour dispels animosity and makes it easier to explain how you feel.
· Remember your goal.
o To resolve, not blame
o To create a win, win situation
o To be happy, not right
Annie Roy-Barker is a psychotherapist and leading relationship coach, with an extraordinary ability to help you resolve your personal and relationship difficulties. Annie will motivate, guide and inspire you with her incredible techniques for enhancing your relationship, spicing up your love life, or getting your loved one back after a break up. Annies mission is your happiness and helping you get your love life right on line.
Posted on November 19, 2007 - by Administrator
Christmas! A Time Of Peace And Goodwill – And Divorce!
Yes, its that time of the year again! The shops are bursting with Christmas goodies, our eardrums are traumatized with carols that blast from every loud speaker in town and fragile marriages are gearing up for operation divorce.
Yes. Divorce. That increasingly topical present that so many couples are choosing to give their spouses as a Christmas present nowadays. Now, isnt that a cheerless, life shattering gift to hand to the person that you promised to love till death do us part!
Lets face it. Theres no way you can prettily gift wrap such devastating news, lovingly place it under the Christmas tree, or see any delight in your spouses eyes when they receive that present.
So what is it about Christmas that makes it the precursor to the break up of a relationship? Somehow, it just doesnt seem possible that divorce can even be considered at this time of peace and goodwill; merrymaking and feasting; Christmas pudding, brandy sauce and the traditional mince pie. Does it?
Why is it, then, that your marriage may hit the buffers fast and hard during the festive season?
Heres why. The format of the festive season has totally changed. Its no longer the mere two day affair that I remember from my younger days. And, oh yes, if Christmas Day and Boxing Day happened to fall on a weekend, it was just jolly (if you’ll forgive the pun) hard luck as it was back to work on Monday, as usual.
Over the years, this short turkey and tinsel break has gradually been extended to the point where we can now expect the holiday to last for two weeks, encompassing the New Year celebrations. Thats fourteen continuous, and extremely long, days with which we humans are just too ill equipped to cope – particularly if the relationship you have with your partner is already in a fragile state.
The prolonged Christmas and New Year Break is definitely no friend of a rocky marriage. Your relationship needs to be very stable in order to survive the stresses and strains of being with your spouse, day in and day out (often indoors because its the middle of winter), entertaining, eating and drinking way beyond your normal routine, with the added hassle of socialising and pretending to enjoy yourselves with relatives you may actually dislike – and perhaps even secretly wish you may never have to see again.
Is it any wonder, therefore, that relationships crumble under the huge burden of Christmas? Yet, in fairness to the festive season, it cannot be held entirely responsible for the irretrievable breakdown of your marriage.
During my long experience as a relationship coach, (check out my website www.lovelifelines.com) Ive learnt that its highly unusual for a marriage to become a disaster zone overnight. It just doesnt happen that way. The love and affinity that glued you and your partner together will have become unstuck bit by bit, over time.
So, Im urging you to take a close look at your relationship right now and answer this question.
Do you believe that your marriage is stable enough to survive the long haul of Christmas?
If you answered yes Im sincerely delighted for you.
If you answered no and you want to improve your relationship, yet dont know how, then please contact me. Ill be delighted to help you. Youll find my contact details on my website www.lovelifelines.com.
Im wishing you happiness.
Annie Roy-Barker is a psychotherapist and leading relationship coach, with an extraordinary ability to help you resolve your personal and relationship difficulties. Annie will motivate, guide and inspire you with her incredible techniques for enhancing your relationship, spicing up your love life, or getting your loved one back after a break up. Annies mission is your happiness and helping you get your love life right on line.
Posted on August 9, 2007 - by Administrator
How To Be A Good Wife
A good wife is one who turns a brick and mortar structure into a loving, caring home with a few deft touches here and there — a home that a husband wants to return to every evening. He knows his wife is waiting for him, and wants to reach home early instead of stopping at the local bar or at the old boys club to drink away the day’s blues.
The good wife too realizes what her husband needs. She brushes her hair, applies a light make up and gets ready with a smile to greet him at the door. She never makes the mistake of looking bedraggled when her husband arrives. That’s the best way to cool off a promising evening.
If it’s winter then the good wife has a merry fire going. Nothing can be more pleasant than to enter a house that is warm and ready to receive you – especially if you have driven down a long, snowy road that was cold, bleak and treacherous or on a highway that had bumper to bumper traffic.
Also, a good wife never rushes her husband. Instead, she lets him unwind, allows him to feel important; listens to his day’s woes. She does not nag or express unhappiness even if she thinks her husband is wrong. There is enough time to discuss the issue again. The first is to let your husband confide in you. It’s the best way to build a strong and durable relationship.
Equally important, a good wife never makes the mistake of unburdening herself first, even though she may have had a bad day – and needs a shoulder to cry upon or let off steam. The chances are that a tired husband may not be very receptive, and the purpose may be lost. She therefore bides her time. She also avoids pointing fingers at her husband, even though she may know that he is not doing his part of household work like getting taps fixed or arranging firewood.
She also never tries to show that she is better than him. There is nothing worse than male vanity. Every male thinks he is the cat’s whiskers. The best way to offend your husband is to hurt his ego. He will immediately withdraw into a shell, become uncooperative and behave in an unpredictable manner. The peace that reigns in the house will be shattered. There will be spoken or unspoken friction, and the relationship will start sliding.
Posted on July 31, 2007 - by Administrator
How To Be A Good Husband
The best way to be a good husband is to be your natural self. Don’t let misunderstandings, anger, frustration turn into emotional baggage and cloud your thinking. Misunderstandings are like cancer cells. They grow in a rogue manner, planting suspicion, diluting trust and destroying relationships.
The only way to kill misunderstanding is good communication. You will find that misunderstandings blow away when you are willing to listen to your wife’s point of view. It is possible that you are the wronged party. Even then, instead of carrying the hurt, you should give your wife a reason to talk. Maybe, she may see the issue in the right perspective. Even if she doesn’t, you will find that your own unhappiness has subsided considerably. You can once again behave in a natural manner.
Also, don’t sit in judgment over what your wife does or has done. Remember, that marriage is a partnership of equals. You can’t assume the right to decide what is right or wrong. A much better way to deal with tricky situations is to give your wife sufficient space to decide how she wants to live.
Equally important is the use of ‘I’ word in a marital relationship. It is like a double-edged sword. Most husbands wield it to show they are superior. But there are some that use it wisely, and make their wives think. For instance, if your wife has forgotten to wish you on your birthday, you don’t have to launch into an accusatory tirade that you don’t care for me. A better way to elicit a positive reaction is to say that “I felt hurt when you forgot about me.”
You must also assure your wife that you care. For this you don’t have to make pompous statements. Simple gestures like a light pat for something you liked, a touching caress or an admiration kiss speak more than a million words. You will find that your wife warms up to these thoughtful gestures, especially when they come from the heart and are not artificial.
You must also avoid hurting your wife. This happens especially when you are angry. Avoid personal attacks. They can smolder, and create more friction. It is always best to talk things through. Good communication is the best bond that can keep a marriage together. The day communication fails, or becomes one-sided, the marriage is in danger.
So, if you want to be loved and respected as a good husband, learn to share, care and communicate.
Posted on January 5, 2007 - by Administrator
Online Dating – How it Works
Online dating is nothing but finding a date using a website. It can be used by both women and men to find a date. They can do so by browsing a site, and finding profiles of people that interest them. Some websites allow free access, while others charge a small fee to allow users to browse their databanks.
However, the basic model of an online dating website is the same. A user is required to enter his/her profile. This is then stored in the website’s server, and can be accessed by any authorized site user. All dating sites run a powerful search program that can match profiles on the basis of age, gender, community, interests, etc.
The cost varies from site to site. Some sites provide free users access to a few profiles; others insist on payment. The payment also has several tiers. The maximum access is provided to those users who pay the highest rates.
Almost all paid sites are very particular about privacy. They route the contact mails through their email server so that neither party will ever see the actual email address of the other. Some recommend opening a free e-mail account for online dating. This does not happen in the case of most free websites. Your personal information is visible to everyone.
Another important thing to keep in mind about paid sites is that they allow people to create or browse profiles only after paying the subscription fee. Also, only members can contact the site users. Besides this, a paid membership also entitles members to a higher ranking in search results.
All sites warn you to avoid mentioning personal information like your full name, address, phone number, place of employment, social security number etc. This is sound advice, and must be taken seriously. There is no point in exposing yourself to cyber stalkers.
However, there is no harm in giving your interests in full. It also makes sense to post a good photograph on the site. Profiles with photographs get better responses than profiles without.
Your first communication should be through email. The second step should be to establish voice communication. This should be done once you develop a liking and trust for your online friend. Here too you should not give your landline number. The best is to use your mobile, or even better online voice chat, which does not reveal your home address. The final step should be to invite your online friend to a date.
Posted on November 20, 2006 - by Administrator
A Healthy Relationship
Relationships are like house plants. They need to be tended to with love, care and understanding. Those who take their relationship for granted pay a heavy price for their laid-back approach.
The best relationships are those that are built on respect, commitment, and communication. In fact, good communication is the foundation of any strong relationship.
You have to learn to share your thoughts and feelings with your partner, even if they are unpleasant. Sometimes the fear of offending your partner makes you keep quiet, and suffer in silence. You are not only being unfair to yourself but also sowing grief.
You have to also trust each other. Suspicion leads to hate, jealousy, and sadness. Often, these feelings get out of control, and devastate relationships. The best way to keep trust within your relationship is to confide in your partner. This removes doubt in your partner, and will not allow misunderstandings to grow.
You must also be honest with each other. Do not allow yourself to brush unpleasant issues under the carpet. If you have done something wrong, let your partner know. It will be unpleasant at first, but will also make your relationship grow stronger (given you haven’t done something so bad it destroys your relationship).
Being a part of a “couple” should not influence the sense of oneself. Establishing boundaries where needed helps preserve a balanced relationship. Love includes many expectations that need to be met. All partners expect something out of the other. But it is only when expectations are practical and both the partners are able to meet them fairly that life is happy and content.
There are three stages in all relationships. First is attraction. When you are attracted to someone, you want to know more about them, their likes, dislikes, interests, etc. At that point you gather the courage to make the first move, like asking to go to a movie or dinner.
Second is the “testing” stage. This is when the relationship starts blooming. If you hide the truth at this stage, or tell lies, then you can be sure that the relationship will end soon in heartbreak.
Third is the conflict stage. As the relationship progresses, there will be fights and disagreements. Those who are capable of handling these conflicts with trust and reason will be able to keep the relationship going. All the others will simply flounder. So, learning to handle conflicts is a must to any relationship. And with first hand experience, conflicts also bring a couple closer together.
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Posted on November 2, 2006 - by Administrator
The Do’s and Don’ts of Divorce
If worse comes to worse, and divorce is the only option, keep in mind these divorce tips to make it as easy as possible on your children.
DO:
DO allow children to openly express their own feelings.
DO listen to your children and validate their feelings.
DO be honest (in an age appropriate way).
DO let children know about family changes such as visitation, and moving.
DO reassure your children that the divorce was not their fault.
DO emphasize the finality of the divorce.
DO spend quality time with each child.
DO be consistent with rules expectations.
DO protect your child from parental conflict.
DO provide a safe and stable environment.
DON’T:
DON’T assess blame. Children shouldn’t be taking sides.
DON’T talk negatively about the other parent.
DON’T use children as message carriers to the other parent.
DON’T overburden your children with emotional or financial concerns.
DON’T make excuses for the behavior of the other parent. Allow your child to see the other parent realistically.
DON’T make your child your confidant – remain the adult and parent.
DON’T allow your children to put themselves in the middle of adult conflicts.
DON’T discourage your child’s desire to have a relationship with the other parent or step-parent.
If you follow these few divorce tips, your children will have a much easier time dealing with your divorce.
Check out these recommended ebooks if you want more information on divorce.
If you are on the verge of divorce, Relationshipguide.net recommends this ebook. It has tons of information on saving your marriage, and will be very helpful!
If you are in the process of getting a divorce, check out this step by step guide to planning and executing your divorce.
And last but not least, if you are in a messy divorce (it happens), this ebook is a must have. It will show you how to legally save money in your divorce.
Posted on October 26, 2006 - by Administrator
Get noticed at an Online Dating Site
You may be the most popular man or woman in real life, but unless you can catch some attention at an online dating site, you will go unnoticed.
To get noticed, you will have to write a catchy profile. You should write about you, your interests, your hobbies, and what you like and dislike. You should also write about the qualities you are looking for in the person you are seeking.
Men should try to write about themselves, not just the sports they are interested in. Writing about sex should be avoided. Creating some mystery about yourself could help you get more responses. Women can catch attention by making subtle references to sensuality. But women should never make the mistake of being blatant about sex. They will get the wrong kind of emails if they do, if you know what I mean.
Do not be afraid to post a photograph. You should post both a full and a close up photograph of yourself. Profiles with photographs produce many more responses than profiles without photographs. Be cautious about which photograph you pick. Avoid posting the pictures that may give people a wrong impression about you.
Choose a photograph that shows you looking relaxed and happy. A photograph taken in a studio may look like it is too formal, use one that is natural.
If you create a profile on a dating website, make sure that you make it crisp and to the point. It should give reason for other online daters to stop, and send you an email. Casual or half hearted profiles bring little response or draw the wrong response.
You should also read the website’s profile policy. Some dating websites put the latest profiles near the top of searches. If this is true at your website, then you must update your profile regularly to stay near the top of the list.
Contact people who interest you. Don’t just create a profile and wait for people to contact you. Remember that newer members are most likely to respond. So, email them first. Check for responses frequently and respond as soon as you can to all messages, even if you are not interested.
Posted on October 18, 2006 - by Administrator
Long Distance Relationship Advice
Conventional wisdom tells us that absence makes the heart grow fonder. On the opposite end: out of sight, out of mind. So how can one keep a long distance relationship from falling apart? Will you hope that distance will stimulate love? Or hammer out the means to prevent the relationship from falling apart, and dying.
In today’s world, the challenge of a long distance relationship is even more difficult. More and more young men and women are moving and working in distant places. The sensations of touching, cuddling, and caressing are no longer available. Spending quality time with each other is also not there. Another thing one might not realize is missing is the occasional argument. These little arguments actually reinforce relationships, and bring couples closer together.
So how do couples keep their long distance relationships going? One thing you can do is keep pictures near by to always remind you of them. Put one on your night stand so they are the last thing you see before sleep. Take one to work so you see them all day. This will remind you of your partner, and if you are truly in love, you will cherish every moment your eye catches one of the pictures. Also, talk about your friends with your partner so they do not feel out of the loop.
Use online services such as e-mail, chat, and especially voice chat to keep in constant touch with your partner. Talk about more than how much you miss each other. Good conversation is a must to keep a long distance relationship alive. Talk about your day, and do not forget to ask how their day is going. Interest in your partner’s day to day activities will also keep them interested in you.
Make an effort to see each other once a month or every couple of months if the situation makes traveling difficult. Make sure you do your part to go to them instead of them always coming to you. If you can accept the fact you will have to put in a little work to keep the long distance relationship alive, and your partner feels the same, you will have nothing to worry about!
For more relationship advice, this book became the #1 ‘Love & Romance’ Bestseller in the leading ebook distribution service in just ONE WEEK. Check it out!
Posted on October 12, 2006 - by Administrator
How to have a Conversation on Your First Date
You know you have someone interested in you if you have scored a first date. First step accomplished. Now, what do you talk about on your date?
Besides deciding what to wear, what you say on your first date can be a real nerve racking experience. For some people, conversation comes naturally, even if the other person isn’t a real talker. For the rest of you, good news: you can mold yourself into the talker.
There is one major rule to first date conversations. Do not make a fool of yourself. This may sound obvious, but for some people, being overly anxious and nervous can really make a bad impression. Try to suppress all signs of nervousness. All you have to do is be yourself and conversation will come naturally. Remove the thought of rejection from your head and avoid negative thoughts. Remember, if this date does not work out, then so be it!
Those awkward silences will happen. Blurting out the first thing that comes to mind will not help! Better to have a few seconds of silence than to say something you will regret. There are little things you can do to help you get through the silence. For instance, sipping your drink can grant you a couple of precious seconds to think of something to ask or say to keep the conversations going. Keep in mind, if you are being yourself, you will eventually find things in common, which will make for more conversation than you can get out in one night. You know what happens then… second date!
There are many things that can get a conversation going. Make a quick observation of your date. If he or she is the intellectual type, current events can be a great topic to begin with. Talk about your job and how happy or discontented you are with your career. You can also share your experiences. Something funny that has happened to you may be a good conversation starter. Ask your date about their hobbies and what interests them. Always reply with comments or follow-up questions to keep the conversation moving forward.
The popular “what’s your favorite” questions should not be missed. You can actually get to know a persons individual taste with this kind of question. Almost everybody loves traveling, so you can also talk about where you went on your past vacations. Your date might share some thoughts of a dream holiday as well, and who knows, you might even end up taking a vacation together!
After the first date, one can tell if the date went well on the basis of how the conversation went. Always prepare yourself with a mental list of the possible things you can talk about. The key to a successful first date is to be yourself, and if you can accomplish that, everything else will be a piece of cake.
Posted on October 11, 2006 - by Administrator
How to Communicate in a Relationship
We do not require the services of a psychologist to let us know that the best relationships are those that are based on good communication. Yet, we hardly ever try to change our ways. We continue on along our paths, eager that somehow everything will fall into place. Sometimes, it does – thanks to the hard work of our partners. But typically it does not. We allow the fault lines to grow deeper and arrive at a stage where they can no longer be bridged.
The first necessity to have good communication in a relationship is to respect each other. Men, who consider their wives inferior will seldom, if ever, strike a good relationship. The same is true for women. They can never hope to gain their confidence and affection if they look down upon their husbands.
Good communication also requires good listening skills. A husband and a wife must discover how to listen to each other. They must focus on to what their spouse is saying, and respond. Very often, couples grow apart because the husband and wife don’t pay attention to what each other are saying. This can be very frustrating – for one or for both.
There should also be sympathy. A spouse must show concern when things are not going right. This is the unspoken communication. One does not have to convey it. Mere body language becomes a foundation for comfort. You feel stronger if your partner holds your hand and tells you that you can defeat your misfortunes. Suddenly, you don’t feel alone. The relationship grows.
Another way to build a relationship is to talk about uncomfortable issues. It is difficult to tell your spouse as to how your boss has neglected you or how you have made a fool of yourself in front of your co-workers. It requires great courage to face your faults. But if you have a loving spouse, and if you believe that they will support you, then you must discuss subjects that damage male egos or female vanities. You will find that you have gotten rid of a big psychological burden. More than that, the emotional bonds between you and your spouse will grow to be stronger.
The same applies to sexual relationships. Couples perform better when they respect each other, and communicate better with each other. The communication isn’t always through words alone. Simple acts of caressing or holding hands are a big form of communication. They break up resentments over perceived or actual slights, bridge distances and create positive energy.
If you are looking for more information on relationships, this book became the #1 ‘Love & Romance’ Bestseller in the leading ebook distribution service in just ONE WEEK.
Posted on October 5, 2006 - by Administrator
Find a Date Online
If you are alone and are seeking companionship, meeting people online can be very worthwhile. Whether you are looking for a casual friendship, or a long-term relationship, it helps if you learn how to find the right date online. Online dating services offer you a motivating, enjoyable, and safe environment, where you can mingle with like-minded people.
Here is some advice to help you find your date:
Include your picture in your profile. This draws much more attention to you profile than it would without a picture.
Construct a profile that brings out your personality, background, hobbies and interests. Aim to go beyond the usual details and write about things that inspire you and make you happy. This will help people to learn what is unique about you. This will help you find the right dates.
When you are talking with someone online, be positive and be honest about yourself. Keep in mind you should not reveal too many personal details about yourself too soon. It is wise to let the relationship develop more slowly.
Don’t feel any pressure to meet the person face to face too soon. It is better to let the woman decide when the first date should happen. The man can tell her that he is interested in meeting her and the woman can decide when and where they will meet.
Always make sure of your safety and privacy by making your user name random and not your name, so that you remain anonymous. You can also use online dating websites that offer you anonymous e-mail. This will protect your personal e-mail.
If you feel comfortable with the person after your first date, by all means ask them out again!
Posted on October 5, 2006 - by Administrator
Making Your First Online Date Safe
Meeting someone online can be a fun and enjoyable experience. Even so, you should always protect yourself from the few predators that are inevitably out there.
You should meet in a public place when you are meeting someone for the first time. Instead of having your date pick you up, meet them at your destination. Tell a friend where you are going and who you are meeting before you meet your date. These are all safeguards to protect your self. You will probably not need to worry, online dating has become very popular in recent years, and many people do it. Although, if you STILL feel uncomfortable, you can always request a friend to accompany you, or even make it a double date.
Be cautious about what personal information you reveal on your first date. If you get a bad feeling about the other person, use your common sense and leave immediately.
These few safeguards will insure you have a safe and enjoyable first meeting with your online friend.
Posted on October 4, 2006 - by Administrator
How To Listen In a Relationship
How many times has your attention wandered when listening to an unexciting speaker? How many times have you nodded your head in understanding even though you have really heard nothing? This is a common behavior, and there is nothing wrong with you for doing it. It happens to almost everybody. We may hear what someone is saying, but until we listen we can’t grasp what they are telling us.
How can we learn to listen? It is not a hard thing to achieve. All that you need is some self training and discipline. The first thing is to manage your thoughts. You cannot be a good listener if you permit your thoughts to roam. This happens to the majority of us when some word or sentence made by the speaker triggers your memory, and your mind goes in another direction. You will then need to control your thoughts, and refocus. This is not always easy, because the mind is very powerful. It moves in all directions, many times without you realizing it.
A great way to keep your mind focused is to train your mind to do so for extended periods of time. You can achieve this by listening to a radio or recorded speech. You run the speech for a fixed amount of time, five minutes to start with. If your mind wanders while the speaker is talking, restart the speech. Do it with different speeches until you can stay focused for five minutes. Once this is accomplished, increase the time to ten minutes, and repeat the exercise.
You will find that you will be able to concentrate better, and follow what the speaker is saying. You now can repeat the exercise using a video, where the speaker uses their hands for effect, or rattles off sentences. You will find that very frequently these minor things will send your mind wandering. You can stop you mind from doing this with practice. Train your mind to stop wandering due to the activity beyond what the speaker is saying in the video.
These exercises might seem a little far fetched, but they can and will train your mind to follow what people are saying in your day to day activities. And we all know listening is a major trait required for a relationship.